He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
