I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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