I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
