in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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