I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
