Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
