wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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