Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
