i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
