Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
