I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
