got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
