I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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