Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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