Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
