So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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