Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
