I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize