coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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