I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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