I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
