Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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