is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
