I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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