i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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