her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
