New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
