just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
