I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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