You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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