You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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