i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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