SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
nutella sex= disaster
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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