So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Terrible idea I love it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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