i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's get the cat blown out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
