This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's get the cat blown out
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
