i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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