"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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