I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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