I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
