hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
