Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
