I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
