Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
