is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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