Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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