It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
