no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
