ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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