I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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