he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
