my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
