Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You left your phone here
Wait...
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