That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
