I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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