"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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