we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
