It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
