i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize