I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
