Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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