There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
