I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
