so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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