whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize