Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
