fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
