Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
